Sometimes I do the “sarcastic asshole” shtick.

February 11, 2013

Katy Perry Fist

A big thank you to
miss Katy Perry
for all that you do

for being a cash cow
we can rely on for a good
few seasons

for being the face
of our industry
our business
because God knows
we don’t need the world seeing
mugs, what with them being
gray and ominous
and everything

(Take a peek and you’ll see
we’re a sea of gray faces
an amoeba
with fronds and grabbers
that stick out the sides,
each with its own job

some are open hands
they wait, palms up,
to be given gifts.

some just take them.

some hands are outfitted with ballpoint pens.
some with iPads.

and there are a few hands,
a special few,
whose job it is to play with dolls
Miss Perry.
Perfect Barbies that everyone loves.

sometimes you’ll be a good Christian little lady
sometimes you’ll play the electric guitar
sometimes you’ll be really sweet
sometimes you’ll be sad or soulful
and sometimes, Miss Perry,
you will act a slut.

You have been compensated graciously.
There’s more where that came from.

[I’m aware I sound like a real dick by now,
but really
How many Grammys does Katy Perry have?
Like three?



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